The Bananas Were Bruised

You could see it before you ever picked them up.

The dark spots.
The soft places.
The evidence that something had already happened to them. And yet, you bought them anyway.

Maybe you thought they weren’t that bad. Maybe you figured you could cut around the bruises. Maybe you told yourself there was still something good underneath. And maybe there was.

But I wonder how many times we do the same thing with people, relationships, opportunities, and situations.

How many times have we mistaken damage for potential?

I know I have.

I have looked at what was and imagined what could be. I have seen warning signs and renamed them. I called inconsistency a difficult season. I called dishonesty a mistake. I called dysfunction something we could work through. I called staying loyalty. I called silence grace. I called carrying what was never mine to carry love. And because I could see potential, I convinced myself potential was enough. But potential is not character.

Potential is not repentance.

Potential is not change.

And potential is certainly not a promise.

There is something beautiful about being a person who can see beyond someone’s broken places. Jesus certainly did.

He saw people others discarded.

He saw worth where others saw failure.

He saw possibility where others saw hopelessness. But Jesus never confused compassion with permission.

He loved people deeply while still telling the truth about what needed to change. And maybe that’s where some of us get tangled up.

We think loving someone means overlooking what is hurting us.

We think grace means eliminating boundaries.

We think forgiveness requires continued access.

We think believing someone can change means we are obligated to stay until they do.

It doesn’t.

There is a difference between seeing someone’s potential and making yourself responsible for it. You cannot love someone into becoming who they refuse to become.

That’s a hard sentence.

Especially for those of us who are fixers.

Helpers.

Hope-holders.

The ones who can walk into a mess and immediately see what it could look like with a little work. We don’t just see the bruised banana. We see banana bread.

Give us a minute and we’ve already found the recipe, preheated the oven, and convinced ourselves this was the plan all along. But there are places where that beautiful ability to see potential can become dangerous. Because eventually you can become so focused on who someone could be that you stop paying attention to who they are consistently choosing to be. And there comes a time when wisdom asks us to stop evaluating people by their promises and start paying attention to their patterns.

Not because damaged people aren’t worthy of love. They absolutely are. We are all damaged in some way.

We all carry bruises.

We all have places where God is still healing, restoring, correcting, and growing us.

The question isn’t whether someone has bruises. The question is what they are doing with them.

Are they taking responsibility?

Are they seeking healing?

Are they willing to tell the truth?

Are they allowing God to change them?

Is there repentance?

Is there fruit? And if so, what kind? 

Because you can have compassion for someone’s wounds without allowing those wounds to keep wounding you.

You can believe someone has incredible potential and still recognize that potential hasn’t become reality.

You can pray for someone’s healing without making their healing your assignment. And you can love someone while finally accepting that you cannot do their becoming for them.

I spent years believing that if I loved enough, prayed enough, forgave enough, waited long enough, and gave just one more chance, eventually potential would become transformation. But transformation requires something love cannot manufacture for another person:

Their willingness.

So maybe today somebody needs permission to stop shopping in the produce aisle of potential.

Stop picking up what is clearly bruised and convincing yourself that your love will somehow make it whole.

See people with compassion.

Believe redemption is possible.

Pray boldly for restoration.

Give grace generously. But also pay attention to fruit.

Because Jesus said we would recognize a tree by its fruit. Not its promises. Not its potential. Not what someone swears they’re going to become someday.

Its fruit.

And sometimes wisdom is simply learning to believe what you can already see.

The bananas were bruised. You saw it. You bought them anyway.

But next time?

You don’t have to.

Seeing someone’s potential is a gift. 
Making yourself responsible for it is a burden God never asked you to carry.